No deadline for grief

 

I don't know why, but I'm always surprised when, out of the blue, I am hit with an overwhelming sense of grief over all that's happened these past two years. And quite honestly, I get angry at myself, because I somehow think that I should be “over it” by now.

 

As if someone can really “get over” losing their father and their own child, within 2-1/2 months of each other, right? But for whatever reason, I find myself mad when the grief is heavier than usual, and wonder what's wrong with me.

 

This past weekend, as I was enjoying some down time with my kids, I was suddenly filled with this saddening awareness that my oldest daughter should be here laughing along with us. I was overwhelmed by the reality that she's gone, and that she chose to leave.

 

My mind then began to replay the events of that first year after she left; one devastating crisis after another playing vividly in my mind. I was shocked that I could still remember even the smallest details of that time, and that the pain is still very raw and real.

 

 

Not a day goes by when I don't think of her, and long to hear her laugh and to see her smile light up the room. And I like to go back to when things were good between us and her, and remember how we could laugh so hard together, and enjoy just being in the same room.

 

But those days were a long time ago, and now the bad times are so painful that they seem to have crowded out the good.

 

The tears still come easily when I think of her, and the heartache is often more than any mother should have to bear.

 

I've come to the conclusion that there's no deadline for grief, no magical end to pain or despair.

 

And thankfully, on the flip side, there's no end to God's love and care for me as I walk through sorrow and grief.

 

 photo 23C540338225562D41F18967E111BD7D_zps978d3068.png

3 Responses to “No deadline for grief”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. No one person grieves the same as another, yet God knows our sorrows. You are right, there’s no deadline for grief, therefore no expectation that it should end today, tomorrow, or in the next year. I was in mourning for my father for 7 years before I knew it. I found a wonderful association called Griefshare (http://www.griefshare.org/healing) after another death opened up the wounds I had not really ever stopped grieving. The most important things for me included knowing that death is not the end of our story, only the middle. Yes, there are days when the power of the grief is so strong its as if it just happened, but they are farther in between and fewer – and I’ve learned better ways to handle them. My prayers are with you.
    Elizabeth Towns recently posted…The Coobie Store: Support the GirlsMy Profile

  2. Barb says:

    Wow. I felt honored to read this post. So honest, thoughtful, simple yet profound. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I am glad you have found some degree of peace in recognizing the “flip side.” Thinking of you and your family. (visiting via “WakeUpWednesday” linkup) P.S. Your photos are beautiful.
    Barb recently posted…how to give letter writing a tryMy Profile

  3. Barbie says:

    I am so very sorry Patty. I am keeping you close in my prayers.
    Barbie recently posted…Choosing To See: Becoming Living Art – Week 6My Profile

Leave A Comment...

*

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *

2,964 Spam Comments Blocked so far by Spam Free Wordpress

CommentLuv badge