Not a day goes by when I don't think of her; when I don't wonder how she's doing or where she is,
and there are times when I miss her so much that I'd give anything to go back in time, back when she was little and all was well and good.
But instead, I find myself longing to hug her, to feel her in my arms, where, in that moment, she'd simply be my girl, and I, her mom.
For a brief moment there'd be no history between us, no sadness or loss; I could pretend she was my little girl once again, and in her eyes, I'd be her wonderful mom.
Sadly enough, the reality is that there's no sweetness between us now; only brokenness and heartache, and so much loss.
I've always thought that the bond between a mother and child would be strong enough to endure any trial; that the bond would be something no one or no thing could sever…
And yet, here I am, shut out and cut off; left with an emptiness and a longing that nothing seems to fill.
I have my other babies, of course, and I love them with all my heart,
yet nothing can replace a child lost, wether the child left on her own or with no choice.
And so, once again, I give her to God; I trust Him to take care of her and give her what I never could.
I give Him my worry and my fear, the guilt and the pain, and I believe that one day our relationship He will restore.