I've done it before, maybe you have to….I've looked at another mom and wondered what went wrong…
I've asked myself how she could've allowed things to get so messed up, and “why on earth doesn't she keep her kid under control?”
I'm ashamed to say that I've looked at other parents and assumed they're to blame for their older teen's choices; not taking into consideration that those parents have done the best that they can…..
And as I've looked upon them with judgement, not once had I considered that maybe those parents' hearts were broken, devastated by the destruction caused by their child's choices….
Nor did I consider wether or not those same parents had to make hard, painful choices regarding their child; choices that they never dreamed they'd have to make.
I didn't think about the tears those parents have cried in secret; tears of sorrow as they've asked themselves and perhaps even God, how this could've happened to them.
And now, somehow, I'm one of those moms.
I'm now the mom with a broken heart; the mom who's shed many a tear over her prodigal child,
And I'm the one who's questioned my parenting, and wondered where I went wrong.
I've hidden behind a smile and pretended that life is good, when really, in reality, I'm wondering if my broken heart will ever really heal.
And I've begged God to bring about redemption, and have asked him to show me a glimpse of what restoration with my girl would look like, some how, some way.
I often lay in bed at night, racking my brain, trying to figure out what I could've done differently; and quite honestly, trying to figure it out makes me insane.
Though this season has been painful, I know it's not all in vain….
God has done a work in me, and I know he's not done yet.
He's changed this heart of mine, and thankfully, I'm no longer the mom who looks down on other parents, questioning their hearts and judging them.
No, I'm now the mom who looks at that wayward teen, and I pray for that mom, who's heart I know is breaking,
And I ask God to open the child's eyes and bring restoration to their home,
All the while, I'm thanking God that he's using my pain, my trial, to give me compassion on others, and He's allowing me to share with them that God really does see their pain.