My mind has been going back a lot lately to where I was this time last year….
My life was so different then, as I found myself in what has become the most painful and heart-wrenching trial I've ever walked through
Never could I have imagined the turn of events that led me into this season, nor could I have imagined all that God's taught me along the way.
My days last year were filled with tears that would fall at unexpected times throughout the day; tears over all that's been lost and over all who have been hurt along the way
I spent many days walking through a fog, barely able to see to the other side, and fearful of what I'd find even if I could….
I spent hours muddling through “what-if” and “if-only”, and almost drove myself crazy wondering where I went wrong;
My mind was full of confusion and disbelief; my heart full of a sorrow that I thought would surely destroy me from within.
Here I am, one year later, and as I look back, there's no fogginess and what I see is crystal clear….
I now see where the hand of God had been leading me, his arms carrying me when I could not stand
And I see now how He was using this pain and sorrow to soften me, and to change the person who I am
I remember at times thinking that this load was to heavy and wondering how I'd make it through to the other side
Yet now, I see how God used others to help carry my load and pray me through to the other side
I see friends who were there 24/7, always available to listen or to just let me cry,
And I see a husband who loved me and held me up through it all
I can't begin to explain the deep love which has grown within me for God, nor can I explain this inner peace I now have….
It's truly a peace which surpasses all understanding, a peace that leaves no room for doubting that my God is good
The trial is not over and the pain is not gone, but my perspective is now different–my is God bigger and able to handle whatever comes along.