I’m done settling for LESS!!!

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I’ll be honest, I’ve been very frustrated today.  and you know what?  I have no one to blame but MYSELF!

you see, I decided to make myself some gluten free pancakes for breakfast this morning.  that doesn’t seem like a bad thing now, does it?

well, it’s not a bad thing for most people. for instance, people who can tolerate rice flour would have no problem with this at all.

but, I for one, can NOT.

and yet, I ate them anyway.  and I enjoyed every last delicious bite.  until twenty minutes later when my stomach blew up like a balloon, causing me to look extremely pregnant.   not exactly my favorite look when I’m not pregnant, if you know what I mean.

but worse than the way I felt physically, was the way my frustration  outweighed my misery.

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I shared in my last post how I was struggling with having self control when it came to eating sugar.

but since that post, I’ve come to realize that this goes way deeper than me just having self control.

as I’ve prayed about this and spent some time really searching my heart, I’ve come to realize that I’m making an idol out of food–unhealthy food, as well as foods that affect my body in a bad way.

I’m ashamed to admit that I have actually found myself wondering when I’m going to get my next coke, and planning when I’m going to be able to buy my next candy bar or bag of M&Ms.  Is this ridiculous or what?!

not only that, but I’ll find excuses to bake sugary treats, all the while, sharing them with my kids.  They’re not complaining, trust me, but what am I teaching them about food?

 

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You see, my kids know that I have some severe food allergies, as well as some strong food intolerances.  They’ve heard me share that I have chronic inflammation(especially in my gut), and that certain foods make me miserable after I eat them.

and yet, they see me eat those very foods that make me miserable.  and they see me dealing with the consequences of those poor choices, time and time again.

they’ve also seen me do a 30 day food-elimination diet (the Whole30), where I didn’t eat any inflammatory foods for 30 days.  which means I gave up sugar for the entire 30 days.  and what’s more, is I SURVIVED!

my inconsistency must be totally confusing to them, not to mention the emphasis that my actions are putting on my desire for unhealthy food.

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As much as I’ve been indulging and ignoring the signals that my body (and God!) has been telling me regarding my poor food choices, quite frankly, I am thankful that God has finally gotten my attention.

I’m thankful that he cares about me enough to bring conviction today, and for showing me how my actions affect more than just me.

not only that, but He’s helping me to see that by carelessly eating those foods that make me sick, I am in fact, settling for something other than God.

rather than listening to my body and treating it as the temple of the Holy Spirit, I have been settling for something that only satisfies for the moment.

when Jesus actually promises that, if I put my trust in Him and delight myself in His ways, He will satisfy my every need, and that I will never thirst again.

And that, my friends, is an offer that I can’t refuse.

 

 

 

 

No Expectations….only love

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I remember someone once telling me that, when it comes to love, we shouldn’t have any expectations.  I have to admit, when I first heard that, I didn’t get it.

I mean, how can you not have expectations, right?

i don’t know if I had to learn this through life experience, or what, but I think I’m finally beginning to understand what it means.

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As I’ve walked through these past couple of years, longing for redemption to find its way into the brokenness of my life, I’ve come to realize that I have to let go of my expectations and let God have his way in me—and in my brokenness.

and quite frankly, that’s very hard for me to do.

i don’t know why it’s so hard; maybe it’s the reality that I have to completely let go, and give up the control that I hold so tightly to.  I don’t know.  All I know is that it’s hard.

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I have these expectations of how I want to see things play out in my life, and when things don’t go according to my plan, I feel hurt and let down.

i can say the same about the relationships in my life—especially the broken one.

i will give of my time, and I will give my heart away to this person, time and time again, only to have it deceived and shattered, and once again bleeding from a wound that never seems to heal.

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I guess there’s a longing in me to have this beautiful, sweet relationship, and I long for it so deeply that I expect it.

and when I’m once again hurt and betrayed, my heart is shattered, along with my broken expectations.

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I’ve taken this to God more times that I can count, and it wasn’t until these past few days that I’ve felt him begin to help me understand.

He has helped me to see that I can trust him with my heart–the brokenness and the pain–and that I can trust him completely to take the lead and the control.

I’ve also learned that giving up my expectations in relationships doesn’t mean that I become a door mat, or that I don’t have healthy boundaries in place.

It means that I love people where they’re at, and for who they are, and that i can love them without enabling them.

it also means that I don’t have to be ruled by guilt or that I have to give in just to please someone else, if giving in means not doing what’s best for me.

so, as badly as I want things to be different right now, I am going to choose to give the control to God, and to allow him to bring things to pass in his time and in his way.

 

**do you have an area in your life that God is asking you to give over to him?  Do you trust him to fulfill you, even if it means giving up your expectations?

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